I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
