proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
