she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
