I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
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