he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
