Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
