I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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