She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
