Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
