weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
