The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
