Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
