Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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