We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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