I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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