i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
