i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
