i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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