alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
