he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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