Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
