What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Are we still banned from the library?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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