Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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