he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
