after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
