The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
