I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
