Porn is love you can see.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
