I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You made out with two different species that night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
