We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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