I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You may now shotgun with the bride
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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