So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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