I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
