I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
