He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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