I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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