My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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