There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
