sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize