Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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