how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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