3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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