Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
