I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
