Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
