are you so shy because you have an std?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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