please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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