I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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