i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
