I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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