I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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