Me too!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
