he thought i was a dude.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
