you turned your livingroom into a bong?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
