I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
