My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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