Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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