So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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