College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
