just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
