Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
