do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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