yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
