some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
