yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
