The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
