I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
