I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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