was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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