I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
