i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
