now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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