Soap is not a condiment
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize