Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
