Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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