so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
